The cool metal held a chill that felt offensive in this incredible(1) heat. While the sun bore holds through the roof and sunk its molten tendrils under doorways, this tray remained non-plussed(2). I pressed it against my skin with the silent prayer it would cool me down. For a moment I was lost poolside in my mind(3) as the cool settled deeper into me before my own flesh betrayed me. Recruiting the steel to its cause. Turning it warm before I had even dipped my toes…

Changes I'd like to see:

(1) overbearing

(2) unfazed

(3) remove “in my mind” completely

The urge to make these changes happened while I typed it up but I wanted to stay true to my process of putting the original version up. I think these changes would make it flow a little better as a reader - but who really knows? Not I. Just the changes I would prefer to see.